Hi to anyone reading this. I’ve made a decision to amalgamate my blogs as I realise it’s better for it all to be in one place. So head over here to find me! Not only will you get all my random updates about the Dude, but you’ll also get some crafty creative stuff, genealogical ramblings, writing and reading adventures, and all the stuff about my struggle to find home – it’s all about cultural identity, don’t you know! Look forward to seeing you over there…
Nearly 6 months
Can it really be six months since I felt that weird little trickle and leaked all over the bathroom floor? Six months since I had a full night’s sleep? Since I met this gorgeous little boy and thought, who are you? Next week really does mark six months since the Dude’s arrival (although he was technically here before, making his presence and personality known by kicking the hell out of me and hiccuping at every chance). He still kicks a lot but hiccups a normal amount these days. He says words, although they’re not in English I don’t think. So far, his favourite words are ‘ngeng’ and ‘geh’. I think ngeng means ‘I want stuff’ and geh means ‘so, what’s happening?’ He has recently taken to whacking himself over and over, especially when stimulated or excited. He rolls both ways quite easily, although I don’t think he realises yet that he is actually able to roll whenever he likes, so he still gets frustrated on his tummy and I have to turn him over. When on his tummy he is gathering his legs under him and sticking his bum in the air, gripping onto the floor with his toes, all obviously in the lead up to crawling. He’s been growing like crazy and it well and truly right at the top of the scale in terms of length, weight and head circumference. We weighed him at about 5 months and he was 8.9kg! That’s heavier than my friend’s 8 month old… yeah.
The eczema has been interesting. I’m pretty sure my eating dairy aggravates it, especially thinks like milk and cheese and icecream. So I’ve been trying to stick to the dairy-free diet, which isn’t that difficult, although my constant need to eat junk doesn’t help. I notice if I eat any dairy (apart from good yoghurt) the Dude will sometimes throw up a bit after a feed or sometimes even between feeds, so I’m sure it makes him a bit refluxy. The eczema has changed and I think gotten a little worse but is really plateauing at the moment, with a big concentration round his neck and under his chin, and some on his wrists and ankles that’s nowhere near as bad. Sometimes it appears on his tummy and in his belly button, but just as red patches, not really dry or scaly. I’ve tried a variety of things, from Hope’s Relief cream which is nice and natural but not as effective as I expected, to coconut oil which is a decent moisturiser but really doesn’t last too long. Recently I put some paw paw ointment on which has been awesome, although not necessarily good to get rid of any itch. Some nights he just wakes every couple of hours and feeds feverishly and scratches his chest and neck constantly, sometimes until he gets frustrated and cries, and other times I hold him hands and stop him working himself up into a scratching frenzy.
We are still co-sleeping, which, to be honest, isn’t the greatest thing in the world. I would never want him in a bed in another room, don’t get me wrong, and it’s great knowing he’s right there and safe next to me, but our bed isn’t really big enough even though it’s a queen size, as he rolls to get the boobie and ends up taking up a third of it to himself. And he kicks me in the stomach, wriggling and writhing, grabbing my top, pushing the boob away when he actually wants it. He’s no good at getting it for himself really. And he wakes so easily when we stir, it’s quite frustrating. There are only rare times when he’s really deeply asleep and won’t stir. His cot is side-carted alongside but he has never slept in it. It’s just not logistically possible to get him to sleep in it, I’d end up being up all night and he wouldn’t get enough sleep. He so very rarely falls asleep in my arms these days, and it’s usually only because he’s exhausted. Even then, if I dare to move he wakes, it’s as simple as that. I don’t think I’ve ever successfully put him down to sleep. Actually I think that’s not true, I’ve done it, but it was before he was 8 weeks old, before he’d sleep through the night, when I couldn’t feed him lying down. I don’t miss those nights!
Breastfeeding is still going well. He is obviously thriving on my milk, of which there continues to be an abundance, and he feeds to sleep every night and some naps, unless I put him to sleep on me in the ergo which means standing almost permanently. And now he’s about 9kg he gets heavy! I can’t say I enjoy breastfeeding any more than I did to begin with, it is what it is, just part of the process and I’m glad it’s so straight forward for me (relatively speaking) and will do it until he seems like he doesn’t need it any more. Just quietly, I hope that’s sooner rather than later!
The biggest milestone of late is the arrival of teeth! Two of them in fact, about a week ago, one poking through one day and the second the next, at the bottom. They are very sharp! His teething symptoms have gone down a bit I guess, he certainly doesn’t have the one red cheek any more, but he is still irritable much of the time. Some days he’s okay, others he just has bad days and I can’t really work out why. He is just really nervy and full on and demanding but doesn’t really know what he wants. Like his dad! Infuriating sometimes! I was reading SouleMama’s blog just this morning and she wrote about her littlest one who is a few days younger than the Dude – oh how different! I’m kind of jealous actually, as he little one will suck her thumb and put herself to sleep on the couch with all sorts of noise going on around her! Oh what joy that would be! Currently I’m listening to the Dude getting louder and louder in his cot… the mobile (second one we’ve bought) just doesn’t cut it, and he soon gets bored and angry. He is interested in dummies but won’t really just lie there and suck it, he has to hold it and then he pulls it out of his mouth, examines it, then puts it in sideways and chews on the plastic, then gets sick of it and throws it away. So still a no go. Speaking of which, I better go and get him before he gets too upset. He’s already had a two hour sleep this morning and it’s only midday but apparently that wasn’t sufficient!! Ho hum…
My thoughts on allergies
Kids these days have allergies to everything. Everyone is talking about it, how being allergic was unheard of just a generation ago. I had a small primary school class of only about 15, but there was only one kid in my class with allergies and the poor guy was somewhat ostracised because of it. We all thought it was weird! He had to have a special gluten free cake on his birthday which didn’t even have icing, the horror! Fast forward 25 years and the kid WITHOUT allergies is the odd one out.
I’ve been thinking about this topic a bit recently after watching a segment on The Project (FKA The 7pm Project) and chatting to a friend. So this is my take.
Allergies are essentially an immune response. So logically, we are getting more of them because we’re interfering with our natural immune responses to things, like illness or exposure to bacteria or toxins. I haven’t done any research on this, and I’d like to do a lot more reading and thinking, but to me allergies are related to the following:
1. Vaccination. When we vaccinate, we create an artificial immune response in the body. We trick it into building antibodies to a non-existent disease. So it stands to reason that creating that response will in turn muck up our immune system. I’m also bothered by the fact that we’re bombarding our bodies with the ‘fake’ versions of all these diseases. There’s no way everyone would be affected by so many diseases all at once in the natural course of things. So again, the immune system is taxed and the response is extreme.
2. Processed food. I believe that the reason so many people are intolerant to dairy, apart from the fact that cow’s milk is for baby cows, is that we are no longer consuming raw dairy. So the dairy we consume lacks the natural bacteria and enzymes required to digest the proteins and sugars contained therein. We’re eating ‘fake’ dairy.
3. Over-abundance of certain foods. We become intolerant to anything we have too much of. That’s why I’m allergic to honey, I had too much as a child. And this manifests through generations, so we’re more likely to be sensitive to something our mothers ate too much of through their lives.
4. Taking in food before we’re ready. For some bizarre reason, we pick a somewhat arbitrary date in the life of a baby (5 months, according to the doctor I went to recently) and we begin mushing up food and spooning it into the baby’s mouth with desperation and urgency, as if suddenly baby cannot survive on breastmilk, despite the fact that it is a perfect food and provides baby with adequate calories and nutrition. Why is this? Why does a baby suddenly become ready for ‘solids’ at 4 months, 5 months, 6 months? Of course, he doesn’t. Same reason a baby isn’t always ready to be born at 40 weeks, or 39 or 42 or 37… Personally I believe that when a baby can pick up a piece of food, put it in his mouth, chew and then swallow, his digestive system is ready to handle it. Why are we in such a rush to do all that grabbing, putting in the mouth and chewing for the baby? Why do we want to accelerate it? Digestion not being ready for food means that baby is being exposed to things he is not ready for, and his immature immune system has to jump into top gear to produce antibodies to deal with the bacteria and toxins in that food that’s been introduced too early.
5. Destruction of bacteria. What’s the with the ‘clean’ obsession these days? Why are we sterilising everything, wiping surfaces with antibacterial chemicals, not letting kids play in the dirt? It drives me insane when that ridiculous Dettol commercial comes on, with their stupid ‘health’ program or whatever they’re calling it. Seriously? People actually believe that killing naturally occurring bacteria using harsh chemicals is healthy! Stupid is what it is. The only reason to get rid of germs is if they’re there because of other external, artificial influences. So if we all lived in close quarters with no fresh air or toilets or running water, okay, we need to work hard to keep the bugs at bay. But most of us don’t. Yet everyone’s still dousing every surface in disinfectant and obsessing about sterilising their baby’s sippy cup. We need bacteria, it’s part of maintaining the delicate balance in our immune systems! We all know what happens when you take antibiotics: you end up with thrush and problems digesting because you’ve killed all the good bacteria in your body.
I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts on this in future, but at the moment I really believe that if we didn’t vaccinate and we ate real, raw food of the earth when we need it, we’d be much healthier and allergies would become a thing of the past. I’m not saying they’d be eradicated all together, that’s like saying all disease can be eradicated, it’s just part of the human condition. But I think our systems would regulate themselves and the balance would be re-established.
The yoghurt con
Now that the Dude is beginning solid food, I’m starting to take note of the kinds of foods kids eat nowadays and what’s out there. The trend seems to be centring around these yoghurts designed for kids which come in convenient little squeeze packs. They’re easy, fun and healthy… Or are they?
Image via Wikipedia
No one’s debating just how convenient and downright cool it is to be able to twist off the lid and let your little one suck out that yummy fruity goodness – it’s fun! And best of all, if they don’t finish it, you can pop the lid back on and save it for later. What a clever idea! But there’s one BIG problem: they’re full of junk.
When I say junk, I mean mostly refined sugar. But it’s yoghurt, it’s healthy, right? Sorry, wrong. I checked out the labels in my local Coles, a massive supermarket that stocks three different brands: V
alia, Yoplait and Nestle. And they’re all full of refined sugar. I’m talking at least 10% pure refined sugar. That’s not taking into account the other additives and things like gelatine to keep it at the right consistency because it’s not naturally set yoghurt. They say on the label that it’s ‘full of vitamin D’ for healthy bones, but firstly, why are they adding vitamin D to yoghurt when we get it from sunlight anyway, and secondly, why do we need extra vitamin D? Because it sounds impressive on the label? Yeah, probably. I noticed Valia even make yoghurts they say are ‘suitable’ for babies over 6 months and toddlers: which baby is eating cow’s milk yoghurt with sugar in it?! I can’t believe a parent would blindly buy this stuff for a baby or toddler! And I’m not impressed with these companies marketing their junk to young children under the guise of health food.
I’m so disappointed! Such a clever packaging idea, but why the shitty ingredients? It’s going to be a while before the Dude has any yoghurt, but unless these companies stop contributing to the bad health of Australian children and preying on the ignorance of their parents, I’m going to be sticking with the wonderful Jalna.
I really wanted to say something to the mum I saw buying dozens of these things for her little girl who was understandably desperate to eat one before they even left the supermarket, but it would be rude. Wake up Aussie parents, think about what you’re feeding your kids, read labels, don’t be fooled by marketing!
Nearly five months…
Gosh, has it really been that long since I’ve updated?! So much has happened!
So the Dude is going to be five months on Sunday (I think he’s 22 weeks this week, kind of losing count). He rolled from front to back for the first time at 19 weeks and has since done it a handful of times. He mostly doesn’t do it though, when I put him down for tummy time. He does stay down longer than he used to, without losing it, but daddy still hasn’t seen him roll! And then yesterday for the first time I witnessed him roll from his back to his front!! I couldn’t believe it, it was awesome, he just did it with a little effort.
I took him to visit a friend yesterday, who has a little girl two months older than him, and she is really wriggling about, twisting and turning over and over, pretty much crawling. When I put him next to this little girl, however, I suddenly realised just how massive he is! He is slightly bigger than this little girl, even though she’s so much older. And she’s not a small baby, I’d say probably around average. But he just sort of lay there and watched her wriggling about in awe, like, wow, why can’t I do that? ha ha!
So speaking of his size, I did take him for his first check up. We went to the doctor as I’d had a blocked ear for ages and although I’d killed any infection in there with onion juice, my ear just wasn’t clearing. I finally relented and went to the doctor (the same one I’d gone to when I was first pregnant). She’s a nice woman but god she’s so ignorant! The things she said to me during the appointment, I had to really make an effort not to laugh. She actually started telling me how to ‘discipline’ my four month old baby and she even referred to babies as being ‘like puppies’!! Can you imagine! She didn’t help my ear problem either. She just looked in it, confirmed it was blocked beyond syringing (der, that’s why I went to see the doctor!) and then told me to go and get Ear Clear from the pharmacy! Seriously, I could have just gone and asked the pharmacist, what a waste of time and money that was. She weighed the Dude (which is main thing I was interested in) and he was 8.14kg! So he’d doubled his birth weight! He is in the 97th percentile for weight, height and head circumference, so yes, he’s a biggie. She asked me if I was practising ‘attachment parenting’ and I was like, erm, I don’t actually like to apply any labels to things, I just do what I do, but I guess it’s along the lines of attachment parenting. She thought we were co-sleeping because it was AP, but it’s got nothing to do with wanting to practise AP, it’s just about what feels right and what’s simplest and easiest. She also asked if I was vaccinating and I said no and got her to sign the conscientious objection form, which she had no issue with (yay!). She looked at his skin and advised me to get a cream with cortisone in it! I didn’t say anything but there’s no way I’d put it on him – I wouldn’t put it on my own skin, let alone a baby’s! Anyway, so the only good things to come out of the appointment were finding out how much he weighs and getting the form signed. Ho hum.
You’ll be happy to know my ear has unblocked itself (although the infection soon arrived in the other ear, which I killed with onion juice again and the blockage is just about gone there too). No thanks to Mrs Useless GP! She means well, she’s not a bad person, but gawd, ignorant as hell! I could provide a better service and I have no medical qualifications!
I don’t want to wish time away, as there’ll never be another time where the Dude will be little like this, but I really can’t wait for him to be more mobile and to sit up by himself. He gets so frustrated that he can’t, I can tell. Anyway, it’ll come soon, he’s almost there.
His skin has been pretty bad, comes and goes, so although I didn’t think he had intolerances I think the dairy does contribute to his skin so I’m going back off it again. My eating, that’s a whole other story and not for this blog… anyway, he has what seems to be eczema, and also recently started getting red blotches with white dots in the middle randomly on him, and they’d disappear as fast as they appeared so I think he’s allergic to something, possibly the wool fleece my mum bought him. I am just keeping an eye on it really, I think it’ll come and go as his constitution works itself out.
We had a couple of very successful osteo appointments where there was total relaxation achieved twice, it was great, and he’s been much more relaxed since. And we took him to a wedding about five hours drive north, and that was fine, we managed, although I was quite illegal a few times and just took him out of his seat to feed him while we drove. Meh. I used to sit on my mum’s lap for every long trip we ever did and nothing ever happened, so I’m not worried.
Must stop, as he’s just woken, I can hear him chatting to himself in the bedroom.
Nearly four months…
So the Dude will be four months old on Friday. How time flies! He is extremely cute, getting a lot bigger. I was reading the latest from The Feminist Breeder yesterday, and was reminded yet again how different babies really are. Among other things in her first post back since the August hiatus, she mentions that her little girl (who is about 3 weeks older than the Dude) began rolling over at 3 months. Really?! Wow! I was kind of shocked actually because the Dude is nearly four months and still hasn’t rolled over. I haven’t paid much attention to what it says about when babies are meant to do certain things, but it really made me think about how different babies can be and how all that stuff about milestones really means nothing. Actually, to be honest, I initially began to worry – why isn’t he rolling over, why isn’t he reaching this crucial developmental stage, is there something wrong with him? Yeah, apparently that’s what mums do, worry. In terms of muscle strength, he’s got it all, and then some. He can easily roll from his back to his side and back again, and I’m sure he’s got the muscles to roll right over, but he just doesn’t do it, doesn’t have the motor skills yet I guess. Typical boy, bit behind the girls. On the other hand, TFB also said her little one has grown 4 inches since birth. Really? At first that sounded like a lot, but then I converted it to centimetres and realised the Dude has grown more than double that since birth! 17cm and counting in fact. Which, if my calculations are correct (2.5 centimetres equals one inch?) is roughly equivalent to 10 inches. Freaking massive! So I’ve decided all his energy is going into growing lengthways and he’s not had a chance to learn about rolling yet. It’ll come, in time.
On the other hand, despite not rolling, he is definitely roly poly, a real little chunk. Actually really bloody heavy! I haven’t had him weighed since his 6 week check up with the midwife, where he was 5.5 kilos I think, but I’m banking on him being at least 7kg now, probably more. He is very solid! And boy does he like to sit up! Of course he’s nowhere near doing it for real in terms of his balance and motor skills, but he gets so angry if he’s put in a semi-reclining position, and he strains to pull himself up to sitting, and actually manages it a lot. I can no longer leave him for a second propped up in the corner of the couch, because he pulls himself up and then goes forward onto his face and tries to go head first off the edge of the couch! He also loves to ‘stand’ – ie. be held under the arms and bear weight on his legs. The look on his face is one of real triumph, so smug, like, ‘oh yeah, look at me!’
He’s also begun to have some really full on conversations with us. He does this thing with his eyes as he chats where he scrunches them up, it’s so cute. And his grabbing is getting really good. I can now leave a toy within reach and he’ll grab it for himself. He still gets frustrated very easily, and often tends to protest about something before it’s even happened yet. It reminds me of the type of kid who, when mum says, ‘okay, how about we go and do….’ and before she even finishes explaining the plan, starts saying, ‘no, I don’t want to do that!’ He shouts and protests just because. It’s cute, but I’m sure it’ll get to a point where he’s big enough to understand that shouting isn’t always the way, especially when you don’t really know what you want!
Did I update on the osteo? Well if not, the outcome wasn’t great. He couldn’t finish the adjustment because the Dude had a meltdown! The guy was like, ‘does he always do this?’ and I had to say, yeah, he does! He reckoned he was in pain with his digestion and gave me instructions on going wheat and dairy free. I had resisted up until that point, but thought, hey, maybe he is sensitive. So I tried it. And actually managed to avoid wheat and dairy, it was amazing, as I’ve never stuck to any kind of diet for more than about 48 hours before. I’m convinced it hasn’t made that much of an impact and I realised later when the Dude fell asleep within about five minutes of being in the ergo after the osteo appointment that he was really just tired and I’d timed the visit totally wrong. Since going dairy and wheat free we really haven’t had any proper meltdowns where he just gets distraught and I sit and let him cry in my arms, but at the same time I’ve begun a routine around sleeping. I’ve started putting him to bed earlier, like by 7pm, sometimes earlier, and he’s having a bath every night, fresh outfit, then bed. He hates being changed, but I’m sure he’ll get used to it. The bath is going really well, he really relaxes and kicks around and makes little noises.
Anyway I’m still sticking more or less to the diet, and it’s definitely reduced the amount of mucus in my system and possibly in the Dude’s as well. He’s definitely not intolerant, but I think he’s just like any normal person – too much dairy or bread and he doesn’t digest as well. I also stopped taking all my supplements at night and I think that’s made a difference to him. I take the odd bit of olive leaf extract in the morning, but I’m not taking anything else and he seems much less vomity than before. Of course he still vomits but he’s full on, it’s what he does, and he drinks too much milk, but what are you gonna do? As with everything else, the old adage still applies: this too shall pass.
What does it mean to be a woman? A response
These days I don’t read my ‘baby’ blogs anywhere near as much as when I did while pregnant, as writing and reading has become my escape from all things ‘baby’, but today I decided to read about what Rixa has been up to on her fantastic blog, Stand and Deliver. She’s written a short essay to inspire her students for their first writing assignment, and I enjoyed it so much that I thought I’d write something in response.
Once I got past puberty, whenever I heard the word ‘woman’, I’d squirm. Woman. There was something old, frumpy, big, mother hen-like about women; and I didn’t want to be that. Don’t get me wrong, I was always happy being female. But being a woman irked me. In fact I never thought of myself as womanly, and if someone ever described me as curvy or voluptuous I’d really hate it. I think this has to do with my weight issues, but also the fact that I’ve never been particularly maternal.
So for me to answer a question like what it means to be a woman is really a bizarre thing. I remember my midwife referring to me as a ‘woman’ during my prenatal visits and I had to voice my feelings about that. It was good to get it out. I was never surprised that my body worked perfectly, that all the aspects of being female where, in me, efficient and effective and exactly as they should be. I knew I was fertile, and I knew I was strong. I knew I could get through labour, whatever it was, and that being a fantastic example of femininity would stand me in good stead.
Because I chose to have a baby at home instead of hospital, I began to read. And inevitably stumbled upon all the hippy/crunchy stuff out there. All the so-called ‘feminists’. I’m all for empowerment, but of human beings in general, not just women. I get the whole suffragette thing, I really do, but I really can’t stand women who go on about being ‘equal’ to men. What’s the point when men and women are so incredibly different? Why do we have to compete? So women earn less that men, on average; so what? Women are more likely to be at home with children. This isn’t a burden; this is what women are great at. Men can’t breastfeed or grow a baby or give birth. Men don’t have bodies that secrete such delicate and perfect amounts of so many different hormones, that create life in such a complex and mysterious way. We don’t have to prove ourselves or try to become ‘equal’; it’s an illusion. We already are great. Money is not a measurement of greatness, nor does the amount you earn have any bearing on your greatness as a human being. The relationship between remuneration and gender is arbitrary.
I struggled with all these ‘women’ who wrote ‘womyn’ instead and expressed anger about men in general. Apparently because we live in a patriarchal society, all hospitals are run by men who try to bring women down and violate them; so all men are evil. Being a woman means fighting for your rights, fighting men. This doesn’t sit right with me.
I have done the things that only women can do. I’ve conceived a baby; I’ve carried that baby until he was ready to come into the world; and I’ve given birth to him, which was beyond the hardest thing I could ever have imagined doing. Although I’ve never been maternal or interested in children, I give all that I have to this baby, my baby, my boy. I do this not because I am a woman specifically but because I am a mother. So being a woman is not just about motherhood, which I don’t even know well yet. Being a woman is about knowing true power and being satisfied with that. It’s about feeling so in tune with nature and the universe, and being thankful for the gift that is knowing the secret of creation.
Unlike some really crunchy hippies out there, I don’t catch my menstrual blood or participate in women’s workshops. In fact I hardly notice my period coming and going most of the time. But I do notice how wonderfully efficient my body is and how amazing it is that I can do what I’ve done. Beyond having babies, being a woman is being a creator, whether you feel creative or not. Being a woman is powerful; knowing womanhood is empowering!
The ‘routine’
“Babies like routines.” I’m sure you’ve heard that one. Or even, “babies need routines”. I tend to agree, now I’ve got a baby. He has found his own sort of patterns, but the problem is, any change from the outside (ie. if I go to the shop or if something prevents him falling asleep when he’s ready or if his tummy is sore), and all is lost. People ask me, “how’s he sleeping?” and I always proudly say that he has slept through the night from eight weeks. But technically what happens is that he wakes a couple of times, has a quick bit of boobie, and goes back to sleep. This is still pretty good. And I always found myself telling people that I hadn’t had to get up in the middle of the night with the Dude since he was eight weeks old. Well that streak has now been broken.
Yesterday was an odd day, I suppose. But I’ll start with some background. Since he’s reached the three-month milestone, a few things have changed. He is suddenly much more aware, so he notices his surroundings and is distracted easily by random things happening around him, especially the tv. Prior to this, when he wanted boobie and sleep I’d just put him on as I watched tv and he’d fall asleep. I’d sometimes succeed at taking him to bed to sleep by himself at this point, or most of the time I’d let him stay asleep in my arms. Suddenly this is not doable at all. Similarly, we thought he was the most social kid ever, as we’d taken him out with friends to noisy restaurants and whatnot and he’d just fall asleep in the carrier, not bothered by what was happening. In fact he seemed happier when out and about, listening and watching calmly and then just passing out happily. But not any more. We took him to lawn bowls and then out to dinner the other night and he hardly slept at all the whole time! He even cried in front of our friends, which has never happened. He’d feed a bit, get distracted, look around, get angry because he was tired but couldn’t just go to sleep. The only time I got him to sleep was once when I took him outside away from any noise and fed him – passed out in minutes, and then finally at the end of the night he eventually passed out in the ergo, totally shattered. So in the last week I’ve been recognising when he’s really tired, then taking him straight to bed and feeding him to sleep lying down. Sometimes I’ve stayed next to him for an hour or so to get him really sound asleep (thank you trusty old iphone for keeping me amused!) and then he will stay asleep at least an hour by himself. When he stirs I go in quietly and if he is grumpy and still has his eyes shut I just feed him again and he goes back to sleep. That was great! I actually got a few things done around the house!
That brings us to yesterday. I got a text from a new friend who has a little baby as well asking if I wanted to go for a walk and a coffee, as she lives nearby, which was fine, we did that. As per his recent distracted/alert phase, the Dude stayed awake most of the way to the coffee shop and finally dropped off, only to wake again when I sat down. He then fell back to sleep on the walk home, and woke when we got inside, although he was trying to settle himself back down to sleep which was great to see – he sucked on his little hand and kept his head down. He even did this the other day and settled himself back to sleep for another hour with no input from us, it was amazing. Anyway, yesterday I think I made a bit of a mistake. I tried to feed him to sleep as usual, but I think I tried to put him to bed before he was quite tired enough because the rest of the evening was an utter disaster. I guess I had in my mind that if I could get him to sleep and stay asleep by 8pm then if we get up at 8am he’d have had a full 12 hours sleep overnight and that’ll be the beginning of our little routine. Husband got home at something like 9:30 and I’d just given up trying to feed him to sleep and begun changing him. I tried again and he wasn’t having it, obviously had his fill of milk without drifting off and just didn’t want to lie down. I tried walking him around and hung out in the lounge for half an hour or so, but no, still wasn’t having the boobie. So I relented and put him in the ergo, where he promptly fell asleep, phew! But that wasn’t the last of it. I managed to get him out of that and into bed and asleep, and I finally crawled in myself at about 11:30… only to be woken at 2am! He was trying to feed back to sleep but it was clearly too much and he was starting to cry in frustration. It was pitch black but I could tell he was awake. Not ready to be awake, but awake nonetheless. I tried so many things to get him to settle back down, and eventually he woke husband (who’d probably been awake all along anyway), and, frustrated, I decided to take him out to the lounge before he got any louder. I was tired. He was tired. I couldn’t do any ergo pacing in the middle of the night, although in hindsight this probably would have worked the best. Instead he worked himself up and cried for what seemed like forever! I wrapped him in the warm blanket I’d just finished edging, held him and looked at him and told him I could do nothing more for him. He looked back at me as he screamed and I think he knew what I meant. So I waited. And he screamed and then he began to go quiet. It must have been four or five times he went quiet and briefly fell asleep but then woke himself up with a sob and started again! It wasn’t nice to sit through and I did feel sad for him but at the time I felt there was nothing more I could do. I was despairing, thinking ‘what have I done wrong here? could this have ended up any other way? is this a sign of things to come? no more night waking, please!’ Finally he went quiet and stayed quiet, falling into a deep, exhausted sleep. I sat for a few more minutes, just to make sure he was soundly asleep before I brought him back to bed. He was pretty restless a few times through the morning too, and at one point I got rid of the blanket he’d been wrapped in and he fell back to sleep, obviously that was too hot and uncomfortable.
Anyway, so it was a freaking nightmare, and I’m scared now that it’s going to be that way every night! Thank god I’ve got him booked in at the osteo on Friday, hopefully that’ll help him settle. I realise he’s going to wake and need comforting during the night, that’s why he sleeps in bed next to me, but I don’t think I can handle him fully waking and freaking out every night. It’s so much harder now because he has this awareness and he’s so sensitive to what’s going on around him. I want him to feel secure and relaxed, that’s all. Genetically, the odds are not on his side in terms of sleeping and relaxation, that worries me too. My mum seems to think it was all very simple and normal but I didn’t feel like that about sleep. I hated night and sleep, hated the dark, hated having to quiet my brain for sleep. I remember tossing and turning night after night, turning the light back on to read, always having problems getting to sleep. I never had a problem staying asleep, but my dad is and always has been a real insomniac. Mind you, this was probably heightened by the fact his mother used to lock him in the bathroom to cry as she didn’t know what else to do! That’s one thing I’ll never do, I’ll never leave the Dude to cry himself to sleep. No matter how hard it is I will always at least be there for him when he’s upset, that’s my vow.
Three-month ups and downs
So he was three months yesterday, a big milestone! I don’t think I had any real expectations of what he’d be like at three months, in fact I don’t have expectations at all really. But I guess at the moment he is having a hard time of it. Sometimes I think I just don’t have the patience and focus to give him what he really needs, like if I wasn’t so interested in my own indulgences – tv, blogs, reading, eating, showering – I’d be more in harmony with him and he’d be happier. I have these images in my head of other mums who are so in love with their babies and want to spend every waking moment with them. Don’t get me wrong, I love him very much and certainly miss him if he has a big sleep or if I have to leave him for a moment. But right now he is quite unsettled and it can be trying.
Yesterday was slightly worse than today I guess, but today’s still been a bit difficult. He is so demanding! He wants constant stimulation, and just having toys dangling above him is not enough, he wants me, all the time! And even then, he gets tired so quickly and then gets very cranky. He’s started doing an angry/frustrated type of cry, like the equivalent of an adult saying, ‘gaah, for fuck’s sake, I’m pissed off now’! It’s quite funny actually, but you have to take it seriously otherwise he just gets out of control and almost impossible to console. I feel so horrible when he gets really upset, and it happens pretty much every day, usually when I finally realise I need to have a shower but he won’t go to sleep and won’t play by himself. So I do what I did today, I lie him in his cot, hang some toys next to him, give him one of his ‘starfish’ Steiner-type toys to hold and prepare myself for his screams as I get into the shower, which get progressively more intense the longer I’m away from him. It’s awful actually because when I get out and dressed and pick him up, he gives these little sobs as he calms down, and it’s obvious he’s really upset and has worked himself up so much. I just wish there was a way to avoid that, but there isn’t because it’s so hard to get him to sleep by himself. Even in the car he complains very loudly and works himself up into a frenzy very easily, it’s not good. Luckily I am not easily distracted and can still drive while he screams, but it’s still not a nice experience for either of us and it’s such a relief when I can get him into the car and staying asleep, although that’s not often. He has fallen asleep in the car before but only on the odd occasion, it doesn’t really rock him to sleep. I guess we won’t be those parents who put their baby in the car to get him to sleep in desperation!
He is progressing in terms of his development well, I think, although I found out that a friend’s baby who was born the day before him is already pulling herself up onto her elbows during tummy time and even rolling over! At three months! Is this extreme? Mind you, she’s also already getting teeth, so I think she’s an early one all round. And girls progress faster than boys, that’s pretty much a given. The Dude is getting great at gripping and holding things and almost always grabs and holds the little toy I give him every time I change him. When he’s on his front and on his back he can swivel himself right round 90 degrees, and he does lift his head a fair bit quite easily. He’s also becoming very vocal and has started making more high-pitched squeals and excited shouty type noises. He and I have these little back and forth mimicking conversations and he loves it, just being able to communicate with me like that, to know that I can copy him and that his noise is really his own. He’s also noticed his hands recently and I’ve caught him examining them intently. We’ve both noticed his left hand is a bit more dominant than his right, but my mum says that’s just because we are right-handed, which makes sense. His little outie belly button is finally becoming an innie, and his feet are catching up to his hands in size. His thighs are so chubby I bought crawler nappies (6-11kg) for him, as the other nappies just weren’t staying on him properly because you can’t get them properly round his chunky thighs! I have no idea what he weighs, as his last check was at 6 weeks and I think he weighed 5.5kg then, but I’m sure he’s at least 6.5 now, he is heavy.
So on the bright side, we finally put up his cot on the weekend, and it’s pretty cool, almost completely level with the bed. There is a little gap between the bed and his cot, so I must get some masonite from Bunnings and put it between, then stuff the gap with towels or something so he doesn’t fall in it. There’s not much chance of that happening now, as he’s not rolling over yet, but it won’t be much longer I’m sure. It was really good to finally put him in his cot and be able to turn on my left side and have the bed back again, even if it was only for an hour or so. It’s so much easier if he sleeps right next to me because he can pretty much latch himself on in the middle of the night when he wants a feed, and I don’t have to gingerly try to put him in his bed, we just both fall asleep as we are. I must admit I was never a fan of the idea of co-sleeping, and the two main reasons for that were firstly I thought I’d squish him in the middle of the night or he’d suffocate, and secondly I like my space in the bed and I like my sleep and I didn’t think I’d have either with him there. Turns out there’s no chance I’d squish him as I know he’s there, even when I’m asleep. Plus my sleep is longer and better because he’s there; if he were in his own bed even next to ours I’d have to get up and wake up to feed him in the middle of the night. But why wouldn’t I just train him to sleep through the night, you ask? I think it’s really unnatural; think about it, how often do babies need to feed during the day? Every hour, two hours, three hours? Maybe every four hours, let’s say. So why to they suddenly not need it during the night? But he slept six hours during the night quite a few nights, he obviously doesn’t need it, right? Wrong. Just because he sometimes sleeps through for six hours doesn’t mean he doesn’t ever need feeds during the night. I can see for myself that even slight variations to the way things unfold during the day, different levels of activity, different amounts of milk, different lengths of sleep at different times during the day, all add up to a different experience every night. Yes, he has a routine, as much as you can impose one on a baby – why would I force something on him and make him miserable and myself stressed? It’s much easier to be aware and notice the natural routine and support that. I think it’s unfair of me to impose my routine on him – not that I have one I guess, but why would I try to force something when the natural way will unfold and he won’t ever have to be unhappy? And seriously, I wouldn’t ever try control crying techniques, but even if I did I very much doubt they’d work on this kid without doing him a serious injury! Sometimes when I’m in the shower and I can hear him crying and I just want to stay under the hot water a few moments longer, I do drag it out, I admit it, just to see if he’ll quiet himself and eventually go to sleep. It never happens. Yes, his cries sometimes get a bit quieter, and for a moment he stops, but within seconds he’s back on it again, crying his little heart out, and sometimes sounding like he’s being murdered, it’s awful!
I guess the one thing I could do to really help him is to go to bed early, like 9pm… but it’s really hard for me, I’m never tired that early, and I feel like I haven’t had enough wind-down time with my husband. I’ve considered trying to put him down earlier, but it virtually never works, especially at night – he’s not a night person! I’ve decided not to give up with getting him to sleep on his own. I think a lot of people who end up always having to have their sleeping baby strapped onto them or sleeping next to them have just given up trying to get bubs to sleep in his own bed, so they say, oh he won’t sleep by himself, but what they mean is, he didn’t do it when he was two months old and we gave up trying. I think babies just get to certain points and suddenly they’re cool with things. It was that way for us, with sleeping. I religiously sat up in bed to feed numerous times every single night until the Dude was 8 weeks old; until one morning I woke and realised he’d been asleep next to me from midnight til 6am – what?! He got to a point and he was ready to stay lying down through the night, so he did that and now we never get up in the middle of the night (touch wood, don’t want to jinx anything!!) I think the same thing will happen with sleeping by himself, and getting to sleep without being rocked or fed, he’ll do it when he’s ready. I thought that time had come the other week when he fell asleep on the couch while I dangled a toy over his head, and that was a big breakthrough, even if it only lasted ten minutes and he hasn’t done it since. This kid has a lot of energy running through his system, that’s all, and it’s hard to fall sleep when you’ve got ants in your pants.
That reminds me of the other thing I wanted to mention: I was thinking today about inherited stuff, and I really have this strong sense that one can inherit constitutional things and build ups of toxic energy from one’s ancestors. I think it’s kind of like everyone collects stuff through their lives, and they don’t let it go during their lives, they let these toxins build up in them and pass them on at some energetic level to their children and grandchildren. The Dude’s eczema rashy thing is a good example of that. It’s like his body is fighting this crazy toxic heat, trying to throw it off, but being burdened by it, and it’s making him all hot and itchy inside. I know this sounds weird and crazy, but I just get the impression this is what’s happening for him. That’s why I am not taking him to a regular doctor as they’d just prescribe cortisone cream and tell me, oh lots of babies have eczema, same as when/if he gets asthma they’ll prescribe ventalin and tell me, oh lots of children have asthma. Yeah, great, doesn’t mean we should just accept that it’s a part of childhood, right? At some level I believe that these things are very constitutional and therefore I shouldn’t be interfering and should just let his body deal with it, but at another level I think they are inherited and I feel like we could do something cleansing that could release him from the burden of them. Unlike childhood illnesses which run their course, provide immunity for future exposure and you never see them again, things like eczema and asthma are unnecessary. So we’re off to the osteopath next week, just to see if some adjustment will help him. The midwife still believes he went from breech to head down during labour, and if that’s the case it’s highly likely there will be something out of alignment. I wonder if it will make a difference? I’m determined not to tell the osteo too much and let him just do what he does and see the results. Plus I need to convince my sceptical husband that it’s worthwhile, as he doesn’t think they do anything. I’ll be sure to report back once we’ve been… I’m trying to add more oil to my diet in the hope it will help his skin clear up, but if it’s still like this in a couple of weeks I’m going to take him to a homeopath or an anthroposophical doctor, if I can find a decent one. I also rang the baby health centre people and they said the next checkup between 6 weeks and 6 months is at 4 months, so even though I’m wary I will take him down to the one at Bondi Beach and get him weighed and measured etc. At some stage I’ve got to take him to a doctor and get the conscientious objection form signed, not looking forward to that experience!
Currently he is asleep in the ergo on my front. Thank the good lord for baby carriers like the Ergo and Hugabub, they are amazing things and I am a better mother because of them!
12 week update
So he’s 12 weeks now, just coming up to three months old and thriving. He’s huge! I don’t know how fast babies are meant to grow but 1cm per week is pretty fast I think. He’s changing and reaching new milestones every day, it’s great to watch. I went walking yesterday, and when I got to the spot we reached the day before he was born, when we went walking to ramp up the contractions, I thought, wow, I can’t believe how much has happened in those 12 weeks.
Sometimes pretty amazing happened with his sleep too. He has been consistently sleeping through the night since 8 weeks, not without a couple of wrestles in the middle of the night where he just has some boobie and goes back to sleep, but I haven’t had to sit up with him. He did have a meltdown the other night for at least an hour, was pretty awful actually, and I kind of gave up and just laid him next to me and tried to wait out his crying. Husband had gone into the living room to sleep but couldn’t possibly drift off with all the crying, so he eventually came in, picked him up and had miraculously rocked him to sleep in a few minutes. I felt kind of guilty because meltdowns like that don’t need to happen any more. His patterns are more obvious, and I know he wants to be in bed pretty much as soon as it gets dark, or at least by about 8 or 9pm, as he gets grumpy in the evenings and doesn’t like waking up properly at night, wants to just feed and fall back to sleep, but because we’re up and watching tv or whatever he gets woken and then is too awake to feed back to sleep; by the time he can drift off, there’s too much milk coming out and he gets frustrated as he just wants to suck but the milk keeps coming. So yeah, my fault. But aside from that, a miracle happened two days ago. We’d gotten up as usual between 8 and 9am, I’d fed him and eaten breakfast myself, and just had him lying on the couch next to me as I watched a Love My Way repeat (remember that show? It was pretty good!) I dangled a toy above his head and he chatted to it and batted it. I watched him for a few minutes and realised he was sleepy – his little eyes would close momentarily. I thought, no way he’ll fall asleep, but I kept the toy dangling, and sort of swung it back and forth like a pendulum. He grizzled momentarily, and I thought that might be it, but suddenly his eyes closed and he dropped off to sleep! I couldn’t believe it! I very gingerly sat up and crept away, putting my phone on silent and texting his dad to announce this miraculous event. Unfortunately, it was short-lived, as he was woken by some fluid needing to be coughed up. Ah well. But I was still proud, just amazed actually that he’d do it. So I’ve made a couple of attempts since and nothing, but I’ll keep trying. I’m going to keep trying to get him to sleep alone, at least for a few hours each day and eventually at night, although he needs a cot for that to happen – still in its box from Ikea!
